Tag Archives: spirituality

Infertility: may it be soon, and may it be forever

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be_here_now_by_mivthevampire-d39u6ybRecently one of my most dear friends relayed to me her every day prayer for my husband and me “may it be soon, and may it be forever.”

No matter where you are on your fertility journey this one prayer is the one silently uttered in the hearts of each person, and so eloquently expressed by my friend. The difficult part however is the relative nature of it all. When is soon, and how will I know it’s forever?

And so for me, and for all of the “we” who make up those journeying through IF, seeking what’s on the other side, whether motherhood or a content life with a key role in the “Auntie Tribe,” I share one thought, just one simple thought, from one of my favorite songs by Ray LaMontagne:

“Be here now, be here now
Be, be here now, be here now”

Don’t let this day pass you by. Don’t let this moment slip from your grips without you savoring its sweetness. Don’t let tomorrow steal one glance, one smile, one hug. Be here now.

Trip over joy because you do not have a thousand more serious moves, you only have to surrender to today, and to trust that all the rest will be here soon, and forever.

“Tripping Over Joy”

What is the difference
Between your Existence
And that of a Saint?

The Saint knows
That the spiritual path
Is a sublime chess game with God
And that the Beloved
Has just made such a Fantastic Move
That the Saint is now continually
Tripping over joy
And Bursting out in Laughter
And saying, “I Surrender!”

Whereas, my dear,
I am afraid you still think
You have a thousand serious moves.

-Hafiz-

Infertility & suffering: Who’s life are you chasing?

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 This weekend I was watching an interview with Caroline Myss. If you’re not familiar with Caroline, she wrote the book Sacred Contracts: Awakening Your Divine Potential. During the interview she discussed the concept of suffering. Where does suffering come from? Why do we suffer?

Her answer was a simple one, yet one that struck me as though a bat to the back of the head. Suffering happens when we chase a life that is not our life. Suffering comes when we chase a dream that is not our dream.

So when it comes to infertility, is our suffering the result of chasing a dream that is not our dream? Are we not supposed to have children? And if this is not our life, not our dream, how do we know what is?

Having the experience of infertility does not mean that you, nor I, were not made to be mothers. Having the experience of infertility means that we will suffer when we focus on what we do not have, when we look longingly after other women who conceive with no worry as to the how. Suffering comes from chasing their life, which is not the life we were meant to live.

As to how we find our own dream, our own life, our own destiny, the answer is a simple one: through grace.

And what is grace? Grace is that small voice that whispers in your ear. Grace is that inner knowing that guides you, not with a loud forceful shove, with the soft nudge of a pull you just can’t quite explain.

When we accept and embrace our life and our dream we free ourselves from the suffering of jealousy and longing for that of another. And when we listen to that tiny voice named grace that only whispers to our hearts, we will find our own path to motherhood–the path that was to be the fulfillment of our dreams, of our life’s purpose.

For it is only when we let go of the suffering caused by longing for a life that is not our own, that we can finally tune into the quiet musings of our child yet to be.

You owe me: Infertility, all you have to do is give

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The Sun Never Says 

“Even after all this time

the sun never says to the earth, ‘you owe me.’

Look what happens with a love like that,

It lights up the Whole Sky.”

 - Hafiz

All you have to do is give. Oh if only that felt easier.

I know it is hard. I know the feeling of being owed, of being the eternal loan granter in a bank where life only seems to withdraw and not to give back. It is hard.

Infertility can make us bitter. It can create a feeling of righteousness within us, a feeling that we are owed a baby. We have paid our dues and now it is time to collect.

Yet there is wisdom in Hafiz’s words. When we practice daily a love like the sun, a love that is only there to illuminate, rather than to tally the debts of those it is illuminating, we too can light up the world.

So perhaps this week give your ear to a friend who just needs to talk. Give your time to a stranger who is struggling to load heavy groceries into their car. Give your money to a charity. Give your heart to the children of strangers. Give, and give, and give, and you might just be surprised what the world reflects back to you–sunshine.