Tag Archives: Healing Infertility

Infertility blogs: Defriending, unsubscribing, if you don’t have something nice to say . . . .

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 So yes, I am back. Returned from the no-blogging-land of those who just can’t find any more words in their writing Scrabble set. I’m back!

Who, what, where, why, how?

Well, I just could not sit quietly (I’ve never really been good at quiet). Though not blogging I have been reading the blogs of so many of you out there on the journey through infertility. I have been hanging out in the ethers wondering, what next?

And then I read a blog post by a blogger that I don’t follow too much, and whose blogs have often frustrated me. It’s nothing personal, she’s a wonderful writer, she’s been through a lot, and a ton of people follow her blog–way more than who follow me. So what is it that just turns me off?

I got it!

It’s the constant simmering in life’s sour sauce.

It’s the constant reflection on the nuances of every miserable cycle, the unhappiness of life because of infertility, the obsession with pregnancy to the point of creating poor health, mental and physical.

It’s all that negativity. It’s a serious downer!

I realized at that moment that I have been that blogger. I have had those moments when this path was simply too hard. The disappointments left me too raw. And the emotions, remaining hidden to those who pass me in the hallways of life, were quite simply too devastating.

Who amongst us has not been there?

Yet, we are always given a choice. We can choose to stay in the dark corridors, or we can let go of the story we tell again, and again, and again of our hardships, and emerge into the light of all that is right, and new, and bright, and possible in life.

When I named this blog “InfertilityAwakening” I did so because here I would chronicle the life that experiencing infertility awoke me to. The dark shades over windows inside me I had never peaked through, that infertility flung open. I wanted to create a place for other women, also facing the challenges infertility brings to our fairytales, to find inspiration, hope, and something that felt real, yet also good, and healing, and full of possibility.

So although my own journey through infertility has meandered off of the road and onto my handmade mosaic stepping stones, I still feel inspired to help others find the rainbow not just after the storm, but in the midst of it.

And so, still I write, in hopes that we all may rise to see what makes up the extravagant and tasty filling in the middle of the mud pie of infertility. And I unsubscribe from blogs that just plain bring me down.

Infertility: Don’t waste the gifts–a little bit of everything

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 ”Oh, it’s a little bit of everything,
It’s the matador and the bull,
It’s the suggested daily dosage,
It is the red moon when it’s full.
All these psychics and these doctors,
They’re all right and they’re all wrong,
It’s like trying to make out every word,
When they should simply hum along,
It’s not some message written in the dark,
Or some truth that no one’s seen,
It’s a little bit of everything.”
- Dawes

Life a a collection of a little bit of everything. We are all that makes up every day in which we find ourselves living. We are a little bit of everything.

So too is infertility. The inability to conceive is more than all being right, or all being wrong. The experience is a little bit of everything. The experience is the tune we sometimes need to hum, rather than trying to make out every word.

Infertility is a gift. It is a gift of a little bit of everything. It is a gift of time, and patience, and healing.

I have walked this path with many woman who were not ready to see the gifts. They strove only to conceive–by whatever means it took–they were not ready. Their hearts were raw and their internal drive kicked into high gear, fanned by the fuel of doctors who would go to any length. They too will reach the gifts, they too will learn the lessons, and they will heal–though their road may be a bit longer, and perhaps more painful.

You see, we all must heal. We have been given this obstacle to stop us in our tracks and draw us inward, to draw us into ourselves for all of the wondrous gifts that lie there. Only we can choose whether we will accept the gifts we are being given. They will wait patiently for us to turn their direction.

On my road to motherhood my entire life has transformed. My life’s purpose became crystal clear, and my heart remembered how to sing again. The more open I become to the healing, the more I listen to and follow my intuition, and the more I trust the many varied forms healing presents itself in, the closer my daughter comes to me. You see, that little soul has given me the gift of time and patience (her patience) so that I could become all that I was made to be–a little bit of everything.

So when you find yourself feeling backed against a wall by all of the closed doors infertility can lead you to, perhaps take a few steps back and change the picture frame of your perception. Seek that which will make you whole so that your child does not need to carry the burden of completing you–their spirit is free to pursue their own destiny.

Healing your fertility is not some message written in the dark, or some truth that no one’s seen, it is a little bit of everything. Open up and let each and every piece in for they are what will transform you into the mother you were always meant to be.

* dedicated to Trish, an amazing woman, friend, mother, wife, and healer *