Perhaps one of the most difficult lessons I had to learn as I grew out of the innocence of youth was that life is a series of varying shades of grey.
Rarely, very rarely, can a question be summed up in a definitive color palette of black and white.
And so too it goes with infertility and adoption. When we would like to simply shake up the Magic 8 Ball and have the correct answer revealed, we are left stuck forever looking at the edge – two answers teetering back and forth.
So how do we decide? How do we know with certainty whether Door A is where we’ll find our luxury ride through life and Door B the donkey?
That answer is a simple one; we don’t.
I know, not very comforting nor encouraging, yet in some ways it actually is welcome news.
You see no one knows. Not one single person, despite what may seem like stellar choice making, ever truly knows what lies on the other side.
People who conceive naturally and with ease have the illusion of a perfect, healthy, well behaved, brilliant, beautiful child. Yet the reality is often far different from the illusion.
So too it goes for those of us who form our families in different ways. The difference is that our illusion was shattered long before we shook the Magic 8 Ball. When we looked into the clear plastic cover we knew that so very much was out of our control; we knew that we would make the best choices possible, yet no concrete outcome is ever guaranteed to anyone.
And so we chose, and so we choose. Yes, no, maybe so.
Because at the end of the day, we are not so different from our unconsciously conceiving friends, every single one of us closes our eyes, shakes our hearts searching for the answer, and then when we feel its reply, we leap into the unknown.
