Category Archives: Reframing Our Fertility

Infertility, 12-21-12, and the end of the world: why am I still here?

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12_21_12-2012-The-End-of-the-World-It is hard to imagine anyone who has not heard the hype about the world ending, along with the Mayan calendar, on December 21, 2012.

So  if the world ended yesterday, why am I still here?

Perhaps December 21st was an opportunity not to end our existence, but rather to end the selfish ways that we live our existence.

How would the world change if each person did just one selfless act every day, or every week, or every month? Leave sticky pad love notes on the computer screen of a spouse from whom they have drifted. Call an elderly relative once a week just to say “I want you to know how much you matter to my life.” Buy one toy a month for a local shelter.

There are so many small acts that could put an end to suffering.

Infertility can also feel like the end of the world. It can leave us feeling like no day will ever be quite as bright again, nor any rainbow quite as magnificent. We can find ourselves hating Santa Claus because he reminds us of what we do not have–children. And we can resign ourselves to an unhappy existence while we place all of our cards on the table in hopes of winning the jackpot; even though the odds are stacked against us.

So too perhaps 12-21-12 can remind us infertiles to end our suffering by looking outside of ourselves. In the words of Pema Chodron “It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.”

The world did not end yesterday, and infertility is not the end of the world. Yet perhaps it could be the end to suffering, our own and others, one small act of service to loved ones, acquaintances, and strangers at a time.

Infertility: However mean your life is, rise up to meet it and live it

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However mean your life is, meet it and live it; do not shun it and call it hard names

- Henry David Thoreau

Tonight my husband was talking about seeing the “hand of God” (or whatever you may refer to as that which is greater than you, your higher power). My husband then proceeded to talk about seeing the backhand of God (as in a backhand smack across the back of the head–Marc Harmon in NCIS style).

We all had a good chuckle; a chuckle that sprang from a personal knowledge of, and experience with, that backhand. Infertility is that backhand.

When life is beautiful, when miracles land at our door, it can be easy to be effusive about the blessings, the “hand of God (your higher power, creator, etc.).” Yet, when life gives us an unexpected smack upside the head, those blessings may not be so easy to locate. And in those moments we can define our lives as rather mean.

Sometimes however, the only way to wake us from our blissful slumber so that we can go where we need to go, heal what we need to heal, unearth what was always meant to be found, and love what our hearts were made to love, is through a surprise backhand.

And so, however mean your life may feel, meet it and live it, do not shun it and call it hard names. For it is often only through that jolting blow that we can be shaken from our indifference and encouraged to rise into our greatness.

Infertility: What is there to be grateful for?

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“Yeah, but I can go to the yoga and wine tasting afternoon with my favorite girlfriends!”

Many a time I have found myself wondering just what there is for me to be grateful for when it comes to infertility.

Sure, I believe that gratitude is the key that opens doors to happiness and abundance in our lives. I do not however think that gratitude comes easily when what was taken feels so much greater than what has been given to us–at least what’s been given so far.

And so, I have learned to celebrate the little things. To savor the drops of gratitude when they fall into my life like a spritzer from the sky.

So yesterday, when for a quick instant I thought about inviting a friend who is pregnant to a girls outting, I realized one thing I can do that she simply cannot.

I can go to a yoga and wine tasting event, followed by a lazy afternoon lunch with our favorite bottle of wine from said tasting, with two of my favorite girlfriends. And that opportunity is truly one I am incredibly grateful for.

And so today, I will be grateful for the simplicity of three of my favorite things all wrapped up into one: yoga, dear friends, and really good wine.

Every day there is something to be grateful for, little things that often go unnoticed in the unseen. Today, what can you unearth in your search for simple gratitude?